Friday, September 25, 2020

A Series on Empathy - Part 1 - Why teach Empathy?

 Somebody posted a picture on FaceBook that listed what children today are learning from the President of the United States.  You may or may not agree with the list, but you have to admit something is wrong in this world.


Parents and teachers spend lifetimes teaching children about empathy.  Some do better than others.  Some actively try, while others hope to lead by example.  All of us fail at times.  

Today, it is clear to me that empathy is sorely lacking in the world.  From the President of the United States and leaders of other countries, to protestors, rioters, members of the House of Representatives and Members of the Senate to store and restaurant employees and customers.  Lack of empathy and respect is running rampant. Open your news feed on any given day and you will see government representatives being rude to each other, to constituents, and to the media.  You will see examples of "Karens" all over the world (I'm not going to even get into the idea of a "Karen" as being rude.  It is and I'm sorry for all you women out there whose real name is Karen.).  You will see examples of car accidents caused by disrespect and lack of empathy for other drivers. You will see companies laying waste to huge areas of land and water, with no respect for any living being already there.

I truly believe it is the job of educators to actively teach children empathy. It is not enough to just lead by example.  It hasn't worked up to now. Probably because a school, by its very nature, promotes a lack of empathy. Let me explain.

How many times have you told a child to stop talking to a classmate, only to find out he was only trying to help a friend understand the assignment better?

How often have you held a competition in your classroom, cheering for the winner, while hoping the loser doesn't start to cry and ruin all the fun?

How many times have you told your students they could not work together on this assignment, because you knew it would mean either someone was left working alone or one person would do all the work, while the other watched and did nothing?

How many times did you tell your students not to talk in the hallway and then you started a conversation with a passing teacher?

How often did you work with your students to win the "Class of the Week" award for highest grades, best attendance, quietest behavior - cheering when you won or booing when another class won?

I could go on and on. Each of these examples is commonplace and begs for a lesson in empathy.  But who has time?  I believe we must make the time.  It is imperative for the good of our world. We have lost the ability to lift others up, to care for the environment, to listen to those who have differing opinions. We need to reinforce the idea that empathy and respect are necessary and useful for advancement in a society.  

I remember Albert.  He was a fifth grade student of mine who was classified as learning disabled.  He had a language delay, so explaining himself was quite difficult.  And he had a family that encouraged him to never take responsibility for anything.  They believed he was always right, the other children were always wrong, and the teachers did not understand him at all.  He struggled constantly with the other children, fighting over books, over favorite seats, over playground toys.  He argued with teachers over whether or not work should be done, was done, was handed in.  He made the year quite a challenge. 

I spent all year working with Albert on communication.  How can you explain to Johnny why you are upset, without using your fists?  How can you show me you need help, without ripping up your work?  How can you solve a problem, without calling in Dad to solve it for you?

What I didn't do with Albert was successfully teach him the fifth grade curriculum.  He didn't improve much in reading or math, he didn't complete projects in social studies or science, he didn't willingly participate in morning meetings or group skype calls or, really, anything we did in class.  I failed as a teacher.  Until one day...

Albert came back from recess, upset with another child about an issue on the playground.  He wanted to punch the other child.  I was able to prevent that and, after talking with him and the other child, I discovered that Albert had a right to be angry.  Normally, he was the bully, taking away toys and pushing kids down.  This time, though, he was playing with a basketball and the other child grabbed it from him and refused to let him play.  If I had just gone along with the day, I would have punished Albert.  After all, it was usually his fault that a fight was brewing.  But I took the time to listen, learn, and teach.  

I told Albert he had a right to be angry but not a right to hit.  I helped him use his words to explain his position to the other child.  The other child apologized and told Albert that the next day, they would play basketball together.  And they did.

I would love to tell you that Albert changed completely, became a top student and a calm child.  But he didn't.  He struggled all year with explaining himself.  The other children, however, saw a different side of him and helped him stay calm during a crisis.  And two years later, while I was visiting the middle school, I saw Albert in the hallway.  He came right up to me, shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, "Hello, Mrs. Parisi.  It's so good to see you.  How are you?" This was monumental.

Why do I tell this story?  Albert will probably never be a mover and shaker of the world.  He will probably have to work every day to keep his family from "saving him from the world."  And he might still struggle with reading and writing and math.  But maybe, just maybe, he won't go to a rally and start a fight.  Maybe he won't walk into a store and berate the cashier for making a mistake.  Maybe he will get married and treat his wife with respect and kindness.  Maybe.  And maybe, if we spend more time actively teaching empathy, spend more time dealing with situations instead of reacting to them, spend more time teaching children how to listen to each other and care about each other, the world will be a better place.  And we really need the world to be a better place.

Stay tuned for more blogs on this topic.  I have lots of great ways to teach empathy and will share some with you in future blogs.

 I would love to hear what you do to teach empathy.  Share in your own blog and link back here so we can all read it.



Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Changing Times

Every morning, my breakfast is two pieces of multigrain toast with butter, a sliced vine ripened tomato with a sprinkle of salt, and a cup of hazelnut coffee with sweetener and milk.  I take my breakfast to the table with my book and my daily vitamins.  No one in the house interrupts me.  I read and eat my toast.  Then I take my vitamins with my coffee.  Then I eat the tomato while I read some more.  Then I sit and finish my coffee, while reading.  The whole breakfast time takes about 30 minutes.  If it's warm and sunny, I move the whole thing to my balcony.


Why does this matter?  Because I want you to understand that I HATE CHANGE!  I hate it.  I want things to stay the way they are right now.  I want to have my breakfast each day. I want to sit and go through my email and my bills each day.  I want to do some work around the house and/or the yard each day.  I want to spend time with my husband, see my mom, talk to my daughter, play with my dog each day.  I want to put on my t-shirt each night, lower the temperature on my thermostat for the bedroom, crawl into bed, turn on the tv, and fall asleep to a movie I've seen a hundred times.


My daughter, Ali, is the same way.  She stayed with a piano teacher for at least a year past what the teacher said she could do with her. She didn't want a new teacher.  She wanted Miss Barbara. Period.  


And, yet, change keeps happening.  When I taught, I moved grades all the time.  Fourth, then fifth, then second, then third, then fourth, then fifth, then fourth, then fifth, then out of the classroom into the gifted program.  I switched schools three times, states two times, principals six times, co-teachers three times, aides and assistants...I can't even remember.  And almost all of those changes were my doing.


Ali, too, makes changes.  She has traveled alone to Costa Rica, Belize, and Israel. She changed colleges five times, moved three times and changed jobs more times than I can count. All while telling me how anxious the changes are making her.  But she does it.

What I've come to realize is this:  I need routine.  I need sameness about me.  But I also need things to change in my world.  I think it's so I can handle it when change is thrust upon me.


We are in a world right now where change is coming every day.  Our way of life is so different that it may never go back to the way it was.  And I'm not really sure it should.  Some of my favorite restaurants and stores are closed and may close for good.  Some of my favorite tv shows are not running anymore and may not come back.  Traveling is dangerous, going to movies is dangerous, bowling, playing tennis, working out...no can do.



So how can I come to grips with life changing around me at an alarming rate? How did I make it easy for my students who were like me, when I changed up the routine or told them we weren't following the schedule for the day?  For my students, I kept some things the same.  We still had our morning meeting when our schedule was changing.  We still shook hands each morning, even if we kept our coats on because we were going on a field trip for the day.  We still hugged goodbye each afternoon, even I as was rushing them out the door to catch the bus.  



For me, I have my 30 minutes of breakfast time.  It might be the only thing that stays the same each day but I need that one thing to hold me tight.  Then I can let the change envelop me and still feel secure.  And I can welcome change, knowing that I'll find a new normal, a new schedule, a new sameness...eventually.



How do you handle change?  How is this new world finding you?  I'd love to hear your ideas.  Blog on your own.  And then link your blog in the comments so we can all read each others.  Have fun!




Thursday, September 3, 2020

All About Me

Welcome to my new blog!  I have been thinking of starting up a blog about retirement for awhile so here it is.  I chose the name of the post because...well...I'm a teacher.  How many of us have done an "All About Me" writing assignment in class?  I figured it was time to do mine.  So here goes.

I have been retired for a year now.  I guess, seeing how 2020 is going, I retired at the perfect time!  I worked as an official educator for 34 years.  I have been a teacher my whole life. 

 As a child, my favorite toy was a standing, double sided blackboard with Mickey Mouse in the corner.  I taught my stuffed animals everything I learned in school. I was the neighborhood babysitter, helping my charges with homework or just teaching them about the world around them.  I worked summers at various camps or special education schools.  I have always wanted to be a teacher.Aarco RBC3648B 36" x 48" Reversible Free Standing Black Composition Chalkboard / Natural Cork Board with Solid Oak Wood Frame Main Image 1

 

I graduated college with my BS in Elementary Education in 1985, got married to Frank, and moved from New York to Texas.  Dallas and Fort Worth had a job fair where they were hiring hundreds of teachers.  Surprise!  I got hired.  I worked the summer school in the Fort Worth School District and taught my first year as a fourth grade teacher in the Dallas School System.  For my second and third year, Frank and I moved back to New York and I worked in Brooklyn, NY.  Lisa's LingoThen Herricks, on Long Island, hired me.  That's where I stayed, got my MS in Special Education, moving through grades, teaching fourth, second, third, fourth, fifth, fourth, and fifth again.  I ended my career as the Teacher for the Gifted (had to get certified for that one) and the Project Lead the Way Science Coordinator for my school.  That position gave me the opportunity to work with all elementary grades.

In 2019, I taught my last year at Herricks, sold my house, and Frank and I moved to the mountains of North Carolina.  We live here now with my mother, who has her own apartment in our house.  My daughter, Alixandra, just got married. 


She lives with her husband, their Rottweiler, Tilly, three ferrets and a bearded lizard in a one bedroom apartment about 45 minutes away.  She was working as a Vet Assistant, loving the animals but hating the salary. She just got a new job as a scientist in a water treatment company.  No animals but better salary and she's using her degree!

I spend my days working on my unfinished house and yard (we just put in a pool),


volunteering at the local food bank, eating, playing on our new pool table, reading, watching the news, and panicking about the country and the world.  I miss my students, miss my friends, and miss NY food.  But I love my new home, my pond, the wildlife here, and my husband's enthusiasm for anything and everything new and exciting.  I thought my retirement would be spent traveling the world.  Instead, COVID.  So I wait for the new normal and hope I can travel soon.

I think often about how I would handle school if I were still working.  And I think about blogging.  Many of my friends said they would blog with me so I am tagging them here to remind them.  Start with an All About Me blog of your own, and, in the meantime, I'll write my first teacher blog soon.  If you weren't tagged but want to be part of this blogging tag team, feel free to join in.  Be sure to link your blog in the comments so we can all read each other's blogs.  Have fun.  Be kind. Talk to you all soon!

Donna Roman, Cheryl Oakes, Miguel Guhlin, Doug Peterson, Jacinta Gascoigne, Paul Wood, Pam Shoemaker



A Series on Empathy - Part 4 - Logical Consequences

  In an earlier   blog , I talked about a No Tolerance Policy in schools.  Every school I've been in has had such a policy.  Even local ...